My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The power of my boobs compel you
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
