He told me they were just razor bumps!
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
