remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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