Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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