Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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