mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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