So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
