We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
