Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i need some magic done to my vagina
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
