I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
