I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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