if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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