i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
