ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
and you said cock pushups were impossible
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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