i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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