I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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