So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
