I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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