Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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