There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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