I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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