hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
