my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
