I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
