She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
