i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
