Pants 0. Shit 1.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize