You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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