we were pretty classy up until the second keg
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
