I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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