Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize