its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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