I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
