I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
