On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize