I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
