Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
