Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Your dad touched me again.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
