There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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