You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We were destined to go to rehab together
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
