i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
