my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
