The maid of honor just puked.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
