She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize