community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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