I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Still dying that you shit outside
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
