In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
MIDGETS
????
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
