video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
