I'm laying in your front yard are you home
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
