fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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