pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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