"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
