just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
