Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
