just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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