She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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