Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
