Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
