If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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