If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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