Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
