my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
