i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
