I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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