we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
