I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
