guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This is my gift to your gina
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize