Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
