I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
