White coat. Heels.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize