I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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